I have been thinking of joy and what it is to me and what it is not. Joy seems to me like a by-product of something else and it also seems like it is the opposite of other things. For instance the definition of Joy is:
A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
Emotion evoked by great pleasure, delight or happiness.
A state of happiness or felicity.
To be glad or rejoice.
I guess one way that I look at joy then is that it is something that is generated within you, and it is personal to you and what you are experiencing in your life and how you perceive your life, your relationships and it might possibly be something you can control or at least think about controlling. If joy is a by product of something else, what might that something else be? I am thinking of joy as a metaphor. How do these fit?
Joy is the frosting on the cake of your happiness.
Shall I compare my Joy to a summers day...
Joy is the sun in my sky.
Joy you are my latitude and love thou art my longitude.
Joy is a camera full of memories.
Joy is a blue azure sea of sparkling crystals and light.
Joy is the expression of my heart.
Then the best for last listen sometime to Joni Mitchell's "Chelsea Morning" The lyrics of this song are a cavalcade of simile and metaphor, my favorite:
"The sun poured in like butterscotch and stuck to all my senses.."
What do you think of the concept that the way we experience the world is tied to the way we can imagine it? So if you imagine a life that is full of joy or imagined with joy, won't this perhaps lead to a joyful life?
I am thinking right now of a couple people that really express to me the shining truth of joy in their lives and contenance. Do you know any one like that? Ask them how they got that aspect in their being.
I also believe that the flip side of joy is something darker, something like fear. Like the power of positive thinking might lead to joy, the power of negative thinking leads to fear. I believe fear is the joy and happiness destroyer and persecutor. But what do you do about fear? How do you acknowledge it and then conquer it? People talk about not being afraid of fear, of working through fear or facing fear. But how do we do that? I don't know, but here is a thought:
Make a list!!
Write everything down that you fear and take some time to do it. Let it come from within and try not to be afraid of putting your fears down on paper. You might have some unknown fears that come up as your writing other things down. Write as much as you can, and take your time. Then try this, work on acknowledging those fears. What are those fears to you? They have a place in you somewhere and came from something. Talk to someone about those fears. Some of those fears are real and had a place in your history or development and are very grounded in reality. Facing a fear might feel like it will cause us more pain. I want to encourage you to try to face it, I believe and feel that fear of the truth is the real enemy. Be caring of yourself, and gentle with who you are.
Then back to Joy. The fear is the opposite of Joy.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Such a long time!
OHMYGOSH. It has been so long since I posted something here. Over a year. Where did the time go? Well, I graduated and I have had no time to do anything the last year or so but to survive in my jobs and my internship. It has been grueling and energy sapping. Not a recommended way to live.
Something that has been helping me lately is to think and dream about places that I would like to go. Like some fantasy trips I would like to take. I have a kind of fascination with places that are mysterious and old. I also love the water. Thinking about some of these places makes me happy to invision myself there on an adventure. I can fantasize right down to the language that might be spoken and what it would smell like and look like and sound like, music and art that might be found. Here are some places I would like to visit and stay awhile.
Stonehenge-UK
Machu Pichu
Easter Island
Prince Edward Island-Nova Scotia
San Juan Islands-British Columbia
Outer Banks in North Carolina ( I admit I loved that movie Message in the Bottle and have always wanted to go to the Outer Banks ever since I first saw the movie...)
New Zealand
India
Okinawa Gunto (This is the final resting place of the destroyer The USS Little DD 803 my fathers ship that was sunk in WWII. He was in the water for hours until rescue)
There are many more, but the point I make to myself is that nothing happens if you don't or can't think about putting yourself somewhere you want to be where you aren't now. And if you keep to the mantra that happiness is a by product of your journey, then perhaps, life might feel good to think a bit about some journeys you might like to take! Go for it and get your imaginations working on some possibilities!
Beck
Something that has been helping me lately is to think and dream about places that I would like to go. Like some fantasy trips I would like to take. I have a kind of fascination with places that are mysterious and old. I also love the water. Thinking about some of these places makes me happy to invision myself there on an adventure. I can fantasize right down to the language that might be spoken and what it would smell like and look like and sound like, music and art that might be found. Here are some places I would like to visit and stay awhile.
Stonehenge-UK
Machu Pichu
Easter Island
Prince Edward Island-Nova Scotia
San Juan Islands-British Columbia
Outer Banks in North Carolina ( I admit I loved that movie Message in the Bottle and have always wanted to go to the Outer Banks ever since I first saw the movie...)
New Zealand
India
Okinawa Gunto (This is the final resting place of the destroyer The USS Little DD 803 my fathers ship that was sunk in WWII. He was in the water for hours until rescue)
There are many more, but the point I make to myself is that nothing happens if you don't or can't think about putting yourself somewhere you want to be where you aren't now. And if you keep to the mantra that happiness is a by product of your journey, then perhaps, life might feel good to think a bit about some journeys you might like to take! Go for it and get your imaginations working on some possibilities!
Beck
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Saturday March 13, 2010
It has been quite a while since I posted a note on my blog. I actually can hardly realize that it has been almost 6 months. I have been very busy with school and getting ready to graduate. I thought I might take a moment and reflect on a few things that have been going on and what I have been thinking.
I was thinking about fears and worries and how they can really be like anchors for creative expression and how you feel about life and are ultimately a factor in the equation of how happy you might be. Everyone has fears and worries over any number of things that are going on at any particular time in ones life. Some are dreadful and chronic, others might be sporadic or situational. One thing they have in common is that the worries take up your time, time you can never get back. I always have wondered what I could do with all the time I have spent in my life worrying especially over things I don't have a lot of control over. What about you?
Here are a few suggestions for worry:
1. Detach yourself from negative sources, people, media, etc.
2. Visualize positive outcomes for situations, or look for the positive side of the story.
3. Visualize letting go of the worry, make the worry into something like a balloon and watch it float away .
4. Give yourself two minutes in the morning to worry about all the things you have to worry about and then stop.
5. If the things you are worrying about are threatening or if you don't feel safe, ask for help.
6. Ask yourself what is valid about what you are worrying about.
Worry and fear are sometimes sort of tied together, and it is hard to separate them. It might be helpful to analyze which is which. For example I worry over where my daughter is going to go to college. But my fear, really, is will she be safe where she goes to college. My mind whirls around with worry about the school, but at the bottom is the fear that she won't be safe. If I think about things this way, I can calm myself and stop circling around and around with negative and un useful thoughts that are very counterproductive for getting to the bottom of what is really bothering me.
You might find it useful to make a list, (you know how I love lists) of the 5 top things you worry about on a daily basis, then next to each item think about what you are really afraid of. Try to isolate it. Then if you can do that, you can think about the things you are afraid of and see how that fits for you. Can you do anything about that fear that is associated with the worry?
Remember that all that worry might have had a purpose for you at one time, and letting all of it go is a lot harder than we think. I certainly haven't been able to let it go in my life. But realizing that it didn't get there in a day and it won't go away in a day, is comforting somehow. I don't have to solve the world's problems today. But maybe I can quit worrying about one of my problems.
I was thinking about fears and worries and how they can really be like anchors for creative expression and how you feel about life and are ultimately a factor in the equation of how happy you might be. Everyone has fears and worries over any number of things that are going on at any particular time in ones life. Some are dreadful and chronic, others might be sporadic or situational. One thing they have in common is that the worries take up your time, time you can never get back. I always have wondered what I could do with all the time I have spent in my life worrying especially over things I don't have a lot of control over. What about you?
Here are a few suggestions for worry:
1. Detach yourself from negative sources, people, media, etc.
2. Visualize positive outcomes for situations, or look for the positive side of the story.
3. Visualize letting go of the worry, make the worry into something like a balloon and watch it float away .
4. Give yourself two minutes in the morning to worry about all the things you have to worry about and then stop.
5. If the things you are worrying about are threatening or if you don't feel safe, ask for help.
6. Ask yourself what is valid about what you are worrying about.
Worry and fear are sometimes sort of tied together, and it is hard to separate them. It might be helpful to analyze which is which. For example I worry over where my daughter is going to go to college. But my fear, really, is will she be safe where she goes to college. My mind whirls around with worry about the school, but at the bottom is the fear that she won't be safe. If I think about things this way, I can calm myself and stop circling around and around with negative and un useful thoughts that are very counterproductive for getting to the bottom of what is really bothering me.
You might find it useful to make a list, (you know how I love lists) of the 5 top things you worry about on a daily basis, then next to each item think about what you are really afraid of. Try to isolate it. Then if you can do that, you can think about the things you are afraid of and see how that fits for you. Can you do anything about that fear that is associated with the worry?
Remember that all that worry might have had a purpose for you at one time, and letting all of it go is a lot harder than we think. I certainly haven't been able to let it go in my life. But realizing that it didn't get there in a day and it won't go away in a day, is comforting somehow. I don't have to solve the world's problems today. But maybe I can quit worrying about one of my problems.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday September 13, 2009
Sometimes I am my own worst critic. I beat myself up for sometimes the silliest smallest things. I know better than to do this, but yet, I can't seem to forgive myself for things that I feel I have done to betray someone or harmed someone or disappointed someone or even done these things to myself. These things I might have done through actions or words or even just thoughts.
There are things in my life that I need to forgive myself for. Things that I have been carrying around, mulling about and having these thoughts and feelings around my neck like a big weight that I have been carrying for a long time.
Forgiving yourself is a more difficult task for a lot of us than forgiving others. We are human, and part of being human and becoming more human is to realize that we hurt ourselves and other people just by being alive and living our lives. What I believe makes us more compassionate and happier is to realize that we fail and to be able to realize this in ourselves and to forgive ourselves for our inadequacies and ambiguities. What do you have to forgive yourself for? Can you make a quick list of things that come to mind that you have automatic thoughts about on a daily basis. I have a lot, but here are a few:
1. Not going to grad school when I was younger.
2. Hurting the men I dated
3. Not working out enough and gaining weight
4. Going back to work when my middle son was little.
5. Not telling my Dad how I really felt about him during his life, and only waiting till the end to tell him.
6. Never giving myself a break about what happened to my brother all those years ago. And still feeling like it was my fault somehow.
7. Not being a better wife.
8. Not expressing my love and depth of feelings to those in my world who need to hear it more.
9. Not asking for help and always feeling like I can do it all.
10. Not being better with money.
Look at all the "not's" in my list. This is very telling in and of itself. The things that I haven't forgiven myself for are things I didn't do, not things I did.
Think about that and now make a list of things that others have done to hurt you. If you are ready, maybe you could offer them forgiveness. They may not be ready to receive it, but if you give it, this will help you on your journey. Being aware of it will help you on your journey. I have a list, but I am not going to list it here because of confidentiality sakes. But please make your own list and take it to heart. Try not to sit in judgement any more and imagine a world for yourself that is free of the anger and bitterness that comes from long standing unforgiveness and hurt.
There are things in my life that I need to forgive myself for. Things that I have been carrying around, mulling about and having these thoughts and feelings around my neck like a big weight that I have been carrying for a long time.
Forgiving yourself is a more difficult task for a lot of us than forgiving others. We are human, and part of being human and becoming more human is to realize that we hurt ourselves and other people just by being alive and living our lives. What I believe makes us more compassionate and happier is to realize that we fail and to be able to realize this in ourselves and to forgive ourselves for our inadequacies and ambiguities. What do you have to forgive yourself for? Can you make a quick list of things that come to mind that you have automatic thoughts about on a daily basis. I have a lot, but here are a few:
1. Not going to grad school when I was younger.
2. Hurting the men I dated
3. Not working out enough and gaining weight
4. Going back to work when my middle son was little.
5. Not telling my Dad how I really felt about him during his life, and only waiting till the end to tell him.
6. Never giving myself a break about what happened to my brother all those years ago. And still feeling like it was my fault somehow.
7. Not being a better wife.
8. Not expressing my love and depth of feelings to those in my world who need to hear it more.
9. Not asking for help and always feeling like I can do it all.
10. Not being better with money.
Look at all the "not's" in my list. This is very telling in and of itself. The things that I haven't forgiven myself for are things I didn't do, not things I did.
Think about that and now make a list of things that others have done to hurt you. If you are ready, maybe you could offer them forgiveness. They may not be ready to receive it, but if you give it, this will help you on your journey. Being aware of it will help you on your journey. I have a list, but I am not going to list it here because of confidentiality sakes. But please make your own list and take it to heart. Try not to sit in judgement any more and imagine a world for yourself that is free of the anger and bitterness that comes from long standing unforgiveness and hurt.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sunday August 16, 2009
We all know that change is an intricate part of our lives. No matter that we might want to slow it down and not have change affect us, onward it goes, time will not stand still. A way to help stay focused on the positive is to take a quick inventory of moments or situations from your past where you were happy. Of course the happy times are in the past and ended just like the tough times did. But you can count on these happy times coming back around again, and it helpful to reflect on these times. It is a good exercise to remember the important stories and people from your past because they define who you are today. Take a few moments and think about 10 of the happiest, most joyful times or situation or people or a combination of these things and list them here.
1. Birth of my kids
2. The day I got married.
3. Graduating from undergrad.
4. Overcoming PTSD
5. My parents 50th wedding anniversary
6. Planning, executing and cooking successful, tasty, nutritious meals at Daybreak camp with my friend Gini. And the icing on the cake of this experience, was doing it for .36 per person per meal. I am happy at Daybreak Camp.
7. Paying off my debt.
8. Getting into the Grad school I wanted and into the program I wanted and getting close to graduating.
9. My sons going to college.
10. Lauren
This could be a much longer list. I am pretty grateful and happy for a lot of the wonderful people and places that I have had in my life. I would have to say that people though have made me happier than places. I have had and do have some wonderful friendships and family memories. You can gain some pretty incredible insight just by being aware of patterns and themes to your happiness. Can you analyze your list and find a pattern. Then reflect on that during the day and explore the possibilities of recreating that happiness today.
1. Birth of my kids
2. The day I got married.
3. Graduating from undergrad.
4. Overcoming PTSD
5. My parents 50th wedding anniversary
6. Planning, executing and cooking successful, tasty, nutritious meals at Daybreak camp with my friend Gini. And the icing on the cake of this experience, was doing it for .36 per person per meal. I am happy at Daybreak Camp.
7. Paying off my debt.
8. Getting into the Grad school I wanted and into the program I wanted and getting close to graduating.
9. My sons going to college.
10. Lauren
This could be a much longer list. I am pretty grateful and happy for a lot of the wonderful people and places that I have had in my life. I would have to say that people though have made me happier than places. I have had and do have some wonderful friendships and family memories. You can gain some pretty incredible insight just by being aware of patterns and themes to your happiness. Can you analyze your list and find a pattern. Then reflect on that during the day and explore the possibilities of recreating that happiness today.
Monday, August 3, 2009
August 3, 2009
Did you ever notice that the people who seem the least happy, talk the most negatively? And conversely, the happiest people you know seem to always have something really great to say and talk about. This is a very simple thing to think about and while you are there thinking about, hmmm, let's say, reviewing all the negative and horrible things that happened to you you today, maybe during your downer diatribe with yourself, you might throw in something that was new and fabulously uplifting to think about.
For instance. What is there in your job or your workplace that makes you happy. Or if you don't have a job, which a lot of us don't, take a moment and think about some of your past jobs, and find one that you were really content and happy with. Reside there a moment. And for all of you who say, well, I have never had a job I really liked, I think there might be a few things that if you thought hard enough, you would remember some things that made you happy about that place. Is work only a means to an end in your life, or could you possible imagine that any honest employment could have meaning and value. It just depends on your perspective. Here are my thoughts about what makes me happiest at my job:
1. D, R, A, A, C, J, P, W, A, J, J, P and all the other people I work with at my company.
2. Finding things to do to make one persons day a little better.
3. 2+2 always equals 4.
4. Having vendor resources to work with that I have known and used over and over again for years, sometimes decades.
5. Making lunch for my people.
6. Finishing a tough project in a creative way.
7. Contentedly sitting with a pile of payables that just need to get data entered into the software system, and knowing how to do it like the back of my hand and just doing it.
8. Excel
9. Having the feeling that I make a difference, and actually being told that I make a difference from someone that I respect, like my boss.
10. Excel ( I really love excel and generating spreadsheets...) That is why I put it twice.
Try to transform your work life into a place that you can be happy going to every day, rather than the other way around. Look for those places in your work life that you take for granted but actually you are content with. Try to appreciate that not all of us were born to be supermodels, (Okay that is my idea of a perfect wonderful job..your idea of job nirvana will be different) but think about being a super person, no matter what your job is.
For instance. What is there in your job or your workplace that makes you happy. Or if you don't have a job, which a lot of us don't, take a moment and think about some of your past jobs, and find one that you were really content and happy with. Reside there a moment. And for all of you who say, well, I have never had a job I really liked, I think there might be a few things that if you thought hard enough, you would remember some things that made you happy about that place. Is work only a means to an end in your life, or could you possible imagine that any honest employment could have meaning and value. It just depends on your perspective. Here are my thoughts about what makes me happiest at my job:
1. D, R, A, A, C, J, P, W, A, J, J, P and all the other people I work with at my company.
2. Finding things to do to make one persons day a little better.
3. 2+2 always equals 4.
4. Having vendor resources to work with that I have known and used over and over again for years, sometimes decades.
5. Making lunch for my people.
6. Finishing a tough project in a creative way.
7. Contentedly sitting with a pile of payables that just need to get data entered into the software system, and knowing how to do it like the back of my hand and just doing it.
8. Excel
9. Having the feeling that I make a difference, and actually being told that I make a difference from someone that I respect, like my boss.
10. Excel ( I really love excel and generating spreadsheets...) That is why I put it twice.
Try to transform your work life into a place that you can be happy going to every day, rather than the other way around. Look for those places in your work life that you take for granted but actually you are content with. Try to appreciate that not all of us were born to be supermodels, (Okay that is my idea of a perfect wonderful job..your idea of job nirvana will be different) but think about being a super person, no matter what your job is.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
August 2, 2009
Can you control your mind and tell it what to do and what to not do? There is some debate about this topic and it is one that intrigues me. I would like to think I can control my mind and make it do my bidding but oftentimes I seem to do things that I don't really want to do.
For instance, when I look around my house and see the *things* that I have and review about the things I would like to have, I don't really see beyond that wish list. There is a trigger in me that wants things that I don't really need. How could I bypass this desire of stuff. I don't know. But I can make a list of what I have in my home that I appreciate, so here it is:
1. Having a home and a job that allows me to afford it.
2. Washer and Dryer
3. Central Heating at the push of a button. (I REALLY appreciate this after 12 years heating my home with a pellet stove.)
4. My Mom and Dad's couch to take a nap on.
5. Books
6. My bed to retreat to after my long days.
7. Gas stove for creating and expressing myself in a culinary way
8. My Kitchen Aid Mixer
9. My Great Grandmothers china
10.Big giant picture window to look out on the Santa Cruz mtns and the winery in the distance.
So you can see that a few of my things I appreciate are practical, a few I am sentimental about and some are just lovely things that are there to see. I think the point of this exercise is to take a moment to just savor and reflect on your blessings.
Yeah, yeah, I know it seems as if there is some little voice that does tell us at odd moments that we should be more grateful for all we have and blah blah blah. But make this exercise personal for you. What do you appreciate. Write it down. Start with 10 things and go from there. You might be surprised that after you write 10 you write 10 more and then 10 more again.
The next time you find yourself at the store or the market or anywhere you could go to spend your money that you might take a moment to reflect on what you have already.
Making this list has certainly helped me to consider my needs vs. my wants in a way that it wasn't so concrete before. Just to be able to think about *things* and how my mind works, and are those *things* going to make me happy, or are they a replacement for something else.
For instance, when I look around my house and see the *things* that I have and review about the things I would like to have, I don't really see beyond that wish list. There is a trigger in me that wants things that I don't really need. How could I bypass this desire of stuff. I don't know. But I can make a list of what I have in my home that I appreciate, so here it is:
1. Having a home and a job that allows me to afford it.
2. Washer and Dryer
3. Central Heating at the push of a button. (I REALLY appreciate this after 12 years heating my home with a pellet stove.)
4. My Mom and Dad's couch to take a nap on.
5. Books
6. My bed to retreat to after my long days.
7. Gas stove for creating and expressing myself in a culinary way
8. My Kitchen Aid Mixer
9. My Great Grandmothers china
10.Big giant picture window to look out on the Santa Cruz mtns and the winery in the distance.
So you can see that a few of my things I appreciate are practical, a few I am sentimental about and some are just lovely things that are there to see. I think the point of this exercise is to take a moment to just savor and reflect on your blessings.
Yeah, yeah, I know it seems as if there is some little voice that does tell us at odd moments that we should be more grateful for all we have and blah blah blah. But make this exercise personal for you. What do you appreciate. Write it down. Start with 10 things and go from there. You might be surprised that after you write 10 you write 10 more and then 10 more again.
The next time you find yourself at the store or the market or anywhere you could go to spend your money that you might take a moment to reflect on what you have already.
Making this list has certainly helped me to consider my needs vs. my wants in a way that it wasn't so concrete before. Just to be able to think about *things* and how my mind works, and are those *things* going to make me happy, or are they a replacement for something else.
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